Reflection

Mont Lawn Camp Internship
This summer I worked as a CIT Coordinator/Specialist training teenagers to be counselors. This job has been an ongoing process of planning and figuring out ways to not only help these teens transition into productive and extraordinary staff, but helping them grow spiritually and mentally. Both my co-leader and I spent two weeks together not only getting trained as a staff member but also preparing for the kids. We planned the program so that the kids will get exposed to a variety of things the camp has to offer as well as creating things for them to help build trust and community with the rest of their team, teaching them how to become servant leaders, etc. With that in mind our program incorporated low ropes activities to help the CITs learn how to work well together. We felt outreach would be a great component for the program to help encourage and provide experiences where they could give back to someone else. Every Wednesday morning to afternoon they would participate and Bushkill Outreach and the day before they spent their afternoons helping clean up camp, whether it be cleaning bathrooms, cleaning out cars, etc. It was great hearing from a camper how grateful she was for that experience because she learned what it meant to serve others. She said that when she goes home she wants to try and be a better help to her family; which I believe is a great mark of success.
In addition, for two days we started a curriculum called Getting to Know which illuminates God in everyday life. It consisted of video testimonies of teens their age and how they have experienced God whether through the death of a friend or family member, disabilities, insecurities, etc. Through this program we wanted to show them that God is evident in all aspects of their lives. This summer we decided to place a theme for the program which is, “Falling in love with Jesus”. Our central goal was to help direct them spiritual to build relationship with the Lord. It’s now always an experience and a journey that gives the feeling of flowers and daffodils; at times it’s a struggle but it’s that relationship that can carry them through. It is relationship that gives them strength, joy, love, peace, mercy, and security. Moreover the first 2 weeks was pretty much orientation where we taught them the basics of working with children and from them in the kids were given chances to observe which evolved into interaction; helping counselors with children. A great part of the program is that we have the CIT’s mentor 8-9 year olds; which can range from taking them to areas on camp or giving them scripture.

My personal experience working with teenagers has been a rocky road, especially because I am new to it. I am use to working with adults and children and preteen. After a week of working with the CITs I had very little confidence unsure if I could complete the job. I didn’t really know how to minister to the girls because most of them were pretty strong in their faith whereas the gentlemen were not, or just put God on the back burner. Even in the 7th week I was still unsure if I was making a difference. But I realized it was God who needed to make the difference. I just needed to be a willing vessel. Most importantly I needed to get out of my comfort zone. This has been something God been teaching me for a while now but in many facets. Surely this has been the most extreme, thus far, but its always extreme when you are in the situation. God was showing me that if I wanted to grow I had to move I had to branch out and be open. I had to learn how deny myself and my wants to serve others. I had to learn how to let God drive and go for the journey that He was ready to take me on. I’ve learned that no matter what ministry education and knowledge you have you always have to let God direct first before you move.

Lastly, I did not have much interaction with my supervisor but he has sat me down and talked to me about some things I need to keep in mind. He told me that I am a perfectionist, which is the first time anyone has ever said that to me but I can see how, but in that I take failures hard. Even the slightest mishap seems like something so outrageous. If I continue to do ministry like that I will always be discouraged, I will always feel inadequate.

Report 8
This week has been quite interesting with the kids. Everything seems a bit off in a way. My co-leader find there to be a bit of disunity amongst our group that may have to do with spiritual warfare. The beginning of this week we noticed the kids becoming more annoyed with one another and a bit more frustrated; just on edge. But this Sunday was good because I think we were all able to enjoy one another's company a bit more. Every Sunday we go the bosses house pretty much the entire day where the kids all just get together and cook and we watch movies and chill. It's a great opportunity for the kids to take a load off after hard work. But in either case this week the CITs have been doing really good. Every Wednesday we set up for carnival but it was a crazy storm so we had to switch up everything and we ended up doing dinner in the dining hall for 148 kids and 60-70 staff. We became kitchen staff and the kids rocked it. They have been doing a great job working with the kids as well.

Personal Reflection
This has been an interesting week for me. I have definitely felt discouraged working with these teens. At times I feel as though I am taking steps backward. I feel disconnected from the girls for some reason. I feel like I'm not doing a good job.


Spiritual Reflection
My spiritual life has been weird as well. God has been allowing me to express myself through music continually placing a melody in my heart and I just pour out whatever I feel. But I feel spiritual warfare going on as if something is going to happen soon. I feel as though its already in the midst and the enemy is really trying to destroy what God is trying to do here. There is a weird atmosphere.

Report 7 7/23/09

This week was a breakthrough week for me. It's been great working with the kids. I realize God is really exposing me to how to be ministry instead of trying to do ministry. I'm learning the culture of youth by sincerely observing the kids and their actions. This week we've noticed just how much discipline teens need. Sometimes its good to give them leniency but still give them structure. This week we've been showing the teens true hard work. They've been getting more involved with the kids and doing work projects around camp. They have been cleaning bathrooms, working in the kitchen, cleaning out vehicles, and loading buses. They are learning how to work as a team as well. We went on canoe trip for a day the kids complained a little but they are learning from their experiences and how much they need each other to grow. This week's worship which is catered for the CIT's was great because it was another moment for the CIT's to pray for one another and support one another by opening their ears and hearts to receive one another and love on one another.

Personal Reflection
God has been breaking me down and really showing me what true ministry is like. During the service this week a staff member washed my feet. It was so awkward but it was refreshing because she did because she wanted to serve me. It made me feel appreciated and also made me feel humble. Then this couple gave my co leader and I a cross. They gave me a cross that said believe. It was presented to me because they said God wants to do some amazing things in my life and have me minister to people across the nation but first I must believe. I must believe in the ministry that God has placed before me. This Sunday I was battling wondering what ministry God had for me. I was struggling with being here at camp just wondering if working with teens is for me. But now that I think about I believe that God might be trying to show me that he is preparing me to minister to all ages.


Spiritual Reflection

Report 6

This week seemed to be the busiest and draining thus far. The CIT's went through their normal schedules of examining and helping out during instructional periods which both my co leader and I monitor. But we also spent a half a day cleaning up around the entire camp which I enjoyed. We also helped with Princess Party for the Junior Unit girls. In one day we did Outreach got stranded their waiting for a ride back to camp for an 1 hr and a half. Then we got back with only a small break in between and had to set up for Carnival. Then after Carnival was the Awards Ceremony in which the CIT's got to give out awards for the first time. I was so proud of them. But in either case this week has been more intense but that's what we are trying to do with the kids. Is increase their work ethic and to challenge them in their faith as the weeks progress. I don't really know if I am helping do that spiritual. I am really trying to get my niche with this ministry. But I am so excited because I see them growing in Christ and see them growing together. Within two weeks it seems as though we are family.
But God has definitely been teaching me a lot


Spiritual Reflection
God has been testing me a lot lately. One of those things is my passion for ministry. I am definitely here to serve these teens but at times it is hard. But passion is one of the very things that is going to drive me to press forth and love these kids when I am tired and dreary. Passion is what encourages me to grow closer to God so that I might direct these kids. Right now my prayer is for passion because at times I am counting the days left till this is over. And I know that is not how it should be. But one of those reasons I might be struggling with that is because out of the entire staff my co leader and I are the only ones that do not have a day off. It's draining especially for a person like me who gets their energy from being alone.

Furthermore God is just challenging me to get out of this box of what a minister looks like or what a pastor should act like. To be honest sometimes I struggle with how to minister to these girls. Or what are the right words to say. I wonder if I am helping them n this journey to really getting to know God more. And I realize I am trying to do it on my own strength. I had a dream a few a days ago I was trying to steer a car but I wasn't in the driver's seat. I was trying to direct the car n the passenger then I was trying to steer the car and I was never really inside of it. Then the car juts ended up crashing. But God is just showing me to allow him to take charge and lead. I need to get past this ideal of what ministry should look like. I need to trust God's direction.

Post 5

This job is nothing like expected. Me and Jeremiah have been left out to dry with this program. The girls are like nothing I expected. They are all unique, some our loud, some are rude without knowing it, one is quiet, one just wants to always get here way, one likes to pretend she is perfect as if she can save everyone else. Huh. It's been overwhelming and stressful especially feeling as though I have no support. Yesterday I kinda quit. I went up to the Director's wife and told her she might need to look for another person. I don't know if I am reaching the girls. I feel like I am missing out on something. This is hard. I think for the first time in a very long time I was mad at God. I came into this knowing that I had to trust Him with everything but feeling as though I had no guidance. I felt like my four years of ministry went down the drain and didn't help me at all. I feel like each day is a roller coaster. In my mind at times I thinking I hate this and other times I feel like things are going well. I feel like other people are reaching my girls more than me. I don't know if they trust me yet and I don't know how to get that trust. I just feel as though someone more energetic and I don't know someone else can do this better. This is frustrating and it's almost a week. It's not all the time the things he does but just the system is jinked up. I think I will need a break in a couple days or I will go crazy. It's not like they are bad girls but weww. It's totally different than I thought and Jeremiah and I are starting this program from scratch. Now since I said I didn't want to really be here the wife's director is on my behind and I hate that. " How are you doing? How about now are you liking it now? But it has turned out to be something good. Now I have someone I can express my frustrations to. But I know God wants to teach me something. I don't know what's at the end of the summer yes a pay check thank God but I know there is something better. My biggest defeat is going to be what's going on in my head. I got past all this spiritual warfare and all these demons in cabins and things like that but I know that's how the enemy is going to get me.
Few days later:
I have an excellent week. I finally feel like God is working with in and me and He is really working in the lives of these Youth. I had a great night where I spoke affirmation into the girls lives and they ended up speaking affirmation into mines.

Spiritual Reflection: Through this experience God has really shown me how big and mighty He is. I can honestly say that I would do and give up anything to be a follow of Jesus Christ. I know that I need to keep the faith and remain steadfast as I serve the Lord. God is so good !

Report 4

Monday
CIT planning 3 hrs
Cleaning 2hrs
Helping counselors 1 hr
running errands 3 hrs

Tuesday
CIT planning 3 hrs
helping counselors 1 hr
Preparing cabins 2hrs
Assisting unit activities 1 hr

Wednesday
Preparing cabins 2hrs
helping adventure staff 1/2 hr
Preparing carnival 2 hrs
Monitoring booth 2 hrs
Organizing kids crafts to take home 2 hrs

Thursday
Children leave cleaning cabins 3 hrs

Friday
Cits arrive
With them al day 11 hrs
Personal Reflection
Wow what a rush. They are here. Thursday I spent the evening praying absolutely nervous. I woke up Friday morning anxious and just extremely nervous wondering how am I going to to get through this. They are here and I am so exciting and humbled. I believe this experience is going to be totally different than what I thought. Some of the girls are opening up already and I love that. Friday was a pretty laid back we took them around the camp and went over some ground rules. We had bonfire tonight which they loved. I had devotionals tonight and I was so nervous. It is so different talking to this age group. I dont know why. I definitely feel inadequate right now. But hey God is getting me through . I am anticipating an interesting and challenging summer. But God is awesome.

Spiritual Reflection
This has been an amazing journey thus far. I feel like I am relying on GOd every step of the way and it is an amazing feeling yet scary feeling. I feel so ill prepared to minister to these youth but yet I know that my heart yearns to reach out to these teens who are broken or who need direction and are looking for purpose. But God is stretching me because I have to ask Him, "Ok Lord what's next". I am trusting God in ways I never had. I love it. I am so thrilled because I feel a closeness to God in a sense that I know He's near and guiding me every step of the way. He's making his presence known in such a gentle way that is so comforting and allows me to walk at peace. God you are great. I feel so comforted by the Spirit.

Report 3

Monday
Morning Devos and meeting 1 hr
Work projects 3hrs
Cleaning 2 hrs
Situating CIT room 2 hrs


Tuesday
Morning devos and meeting 1 hr
Work projects 2 hrs
Working on CIT curriculum and devotions 3 hrs
Helping at different stations

Wednesday
Morning devos and meeting 1 hr
Working on CIT room and scheduling 4 hrs
Helping at stations 2hrs

Thursday
Work projects 4 hrs
The day off

Friday
Cleaning out cabins 3 hrs
Running camp errands off campus 3 hrs
Working on staff tshirts


Personal Reflection
I am learning how to work with others in a different way. I am learning to take initiative and be more bold when it comes to being in the know, asking questions, and giving input. If something comes to mind I don't hesitate to ask what's the worst that can happen. I'm learning how to work well with my co-leader. We are both really sarcastic sometimes so we are beginning to notice we need to simmer down a bit about what we say. We are learning what pushes one another's buttons .


Spiritual Reflection

Wow God is working in me in a very mysterious way. He is not speaking very loudly but settle. God is really showing me how to have victory in the midst of spiritual warfare. Not only that but God is really showing me how to be a servant. A couple of days ago in my time with the Lord I just said I want to be so low this summer. I want to serve and be willing to do anything to glorify God and to help his people. I'm loving where God has me right now. I'm excited that God has placed me in a position to serve others in a fun and intimate way. He is surely preparing me for something great, greater than I can ever imagine, something bigger than anything I could ever do on my own.